Sometimes when we are grieving, what we actually experience is a kind of emotional chaos. When we take our chaotic, grieving selves out into the world we are sometimes met with the judgement of others, and their need to control our feelings. Questions are not open-ended, they are framed with the answer in mind. An intimation that you should be over it, closed body language, an awkward joke. This is because we are threatening to others when there is a tempest churning away inside of us.
So, if we are faced with a friend in grief, what do we do? Take some time now to reflect about what chaos means to you -- what feelings, thoughts, and experiences it brings up. Take a good look at those feelings in your own life, on your own time.
Be ready to take a breath when a heartbroken friend dissolves in a puddle at the PTA fair in front of you. Be ready to dig deep, from the most authentic place you can find within yourself. Remember that may be you some day.
Don't meet their chaotic heart with your need to control, squash, judge and silence it. Their chaos won't consume you, but your authentic self just may offer some real comfort. Meet them as best you can.